# iced;

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

torn into pieces, 12:15 AM

hurt is the word now..
hurt by what...?
good question..
im hurt over the mistakes that I've done before that I can't seemed forgive myself over the years..
I'm angry at nobody..
I've tried..
I'm just so sorry..
I didn't want to spoilt the day and make you feel guilty that's why I needed to leave..
Leave for our benefit..
The beat is different so is the rythm..
I wouldn't want to stay and see the unwanted look on your face..
I know very well that my feet are sensing something to the brain..
and that is to leave before you break down..
I hold my tears tight not wanting it to sound..
history penetrate into my thick skull..
I know every single words that was said to me and about me..
I am not angry at anyone..
I'm just disappointed at myself..
because over the years I've left my self-esteem and my confidence behind..
I need to pick these pieces back to turn myself into a useful person..
because, I can never live like this anymore..
just look at me...
I am forever stressful..
I lead life stressfully..
why is that so?
because I am scared..
when I am stress, I could no longer think properly..
so, that's where the low self-esteem happens..
and today, is the most saddest day ever..
I feel useless..
I can't do you a favour..
Im just so sorry..
I really don't deserve you..
I should have tried harder but, if I stayed, I would burst into tears..
I didn't want that... not there and in front of everyone..
I have to stop crying and do something about it..
pergi bukan bersembunyi tetapi pergi mencari diri..

it hurts.

Be in good health first and foremost.. Weigh ermm at least a 40kg.. To do an adv diploma in nursing.. Be an excellent & dedicated perioperative nurse. I want to canoe & rock climbing someday.. To get married! Haha.. Not so soon still..

abby.
adee.
adi.
afdlin shauki.
azlina.
aznita.
azuwa.
belinda.
dani.
dila.
dina.
eileen.
farain.
farhana.
fauzie.
hasan.
hidayah.
huzaifah.
janna.
kak ayu.
kak azrina.
kak khatijah.
maliza.
mardia.
maria.
mastura.
mingyu.
mira.
nafisah.
neng.
nuraini.
sahara.
shafique.
shahida.
shu.
sufie.
sufian.
uma.
valerie.
winny.

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