this weekend is madness and energy constraining..
it fills with lots and lots of tears and disappointment..

my words, feelings, point of views and decision making is not important to ppl anymore..
ppl starts to rule my life and relationship..
last night, i told mum i am interested in theatre and i would like to work there given the chance..
thats was just a brief introduction about theatre..
she immediately disagreed for no apparent reason..
i was already so bloody sad and i dont need to end my freaking day like this..
she even included that i was the most degil daughter and dont listen!!
when all the time, i listened to her..
this is my decision.. cant she just give me a little support, encouragement and prayers to keep me going rather than shutting my dreams right to my face..
seriously, i wonder if my views and presence is needed anymore..
anywhere i go, there will be difficulty and stress..
but, through experienced, i will pull it through.. i know i will..

yesterday was my tajwid exam..
i thought it was written exam when actually, it was hafalan..
i was so pissed for the obvious reason..
i wanted so much to be first in class for this yr's exam..
by the getting first, is my only exit from attending the class anymore..
that was the agreement btw mum and i..
its not that i stop ngaji, i planned to find a better one..
unfortunately, with how i performed yesterday, i might as well say gdbye to being first!
when i was tested, i greatly feel like crying..
with demand to meet and issues going on, i know i will give up and fall out..
tajwid is always my forte..
i know i can excel and go far with this..
but, why is there so many things happening on one of the important day of my life??
everything is just not right!!

the problems that have been hunting Izzad and i are at its verge of eruption..
when comes to this, i always lost his support..
whatever i do and say, im always wrong..
they are all the time right..
this is definitely mental and energy draining..
if my views and actions are not important anymore, i will shut..
the very least you could do is clarify with me first..
why must you jump into conclusion and im to be blame..
you took their words word for word and never mine..
this is totally unfair..
and i am very upset with you just like you are upset with me..

i may be a champion grudge holder, Izzad..
but i want you to know i feel terrible that we are still unable to find a single solution to this after all these years..
and i feel bad for putting you on a lurch each time this happened..
i doubt if you understood bcs you no longer understand..
im no longer important..
i will make my exit if things get out of hand..
if that makes you happy and everyone at ease..
i will..
its not easy to end a 3yrs relationship but, whats the point in staying put if both parties are unhappy..
as much as you are important to them, you are as important to me too..
i hope my words dont hurt you anymore..
right up from the beginning, i have no intention to do so..

sara, you make a good bf for me.. hehe
thats the reason why i have alot of ur pics on my phone..

ps: give me resus case tmrw, pls..