# iced;

Thursday, September 27, 2007

torn into pieces, 11:20 PM

shopping can definitely be a good therapy. hehee. i was walking my usual route home at Clementi when i was close to an inch in getting that G-shock watch ive always wanted. after much thinking, next time thats what i told myself. bulan ni nak kena banyak sedekah.. hehe.. i ended up buying my monthly expenses. i was drawing a 50 and tell myself you need this 50 to buy just anything and yes anything even if you dont really need them. get this tension off your chest. just buy anything you like. and there you go.. i spent more than a 50!! heheh. thats ok. i feel really good after that expenditure and i wont regret for going easy on that 50.

it feel good to walk alone. observe the people around you. get the mind thinking abit. build up the confidence and self esteem. and hence, be independent. i was too dependent on him then. way too dependent. while most Muslims were probably breaking fast, im there shopping. for one thing im alittle worried is that im going way too easy with food lately which i know will make me thinner than im already am now. i havent really had that huge appetite lately. im picking up though. maybe after Ramdhan bila dah kena rendang kan. Fuuyoo!

i made my fruitful journey to the library next. grab a few good books. i picked motivational books. i may stop reading my all time favourite romance novel for awhile now. too many tales tends to make me compare my life with the book. weird. but thats me. which brings the end product to much misery. mentioning about comparing, J and i had a marvellous conversation. she started telling me about her doctor bf. i wasnt quite interested initially. but, somehow, along the way, things get pretty exciting. we started exchanging stories. how i started meeting mine until our current situation now. i was given a piece of advice and ways to handle the situation. as i recall my life 3 years ago, ive been mixing around with people who are much younger than i am. no offence please. but of course, younger people sometimes can think much better than an adult. somehow, i realised that over the years, i seemed to have difficulty in handling difficult situation and that makes me less mature in thinking and that leads to being less wiser. and i will work on that. Insya'allah. having heard her good life stories, i tend to compare mine with hers. how much im lacking here and there. somehow, it snap me back to reality that my life cant be same like anyone else. im just who i am. and i wouldnt want to have a doctor bf especially. hehee. but to you J, i wish you all the best. appreciate him.

'you are too gentle.' Prof comment for the day. he claimed that whenever i pass instrument to him, he couldnt feel the instrument on his hand. he told me to slap it onto his palm. siap cakap 'dont be shy.' hmmm.. we encountered quite a difficult surgery today. i was glad that he was calm. it makes me calm too. when a person is calm down, it gives plenty of room to think rationally and thus, perform properly. and im happy that everything went smooth. Alhamdulilah.

despite the day, i had palpitation since morning. maybe i am afraid of the results tomorrow. Insya'allah everything will be ok as well.

it hurts.

Be in good health first and foremost.. Weigh ermm at least a 40kg.. To do an adv diploma in nursing.. Be an excellent & dedicated perioperative nurse. I want to canoe & rock climbing someday.. To get married! Haha.. Not so soon still..

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