kak lin and family came not long ago. kak lin is a lecturer from Temasek Poly and also a psychologist. and i just know that. the psychologist part. well, the conversation gets more and more exciting when she started talking from psychology perspectives. i loike! when i was in school, we were introduced a brief concept on psychology. just the tip about what psychology is all about. i LOVE psychology module. if there is any flaws about psychology is that i dont really favour human development theory. its so hard. back to kak lin. we were discussing about some family issues. the famous 'teens issues'. it hit me hard on the importance to understand a person. teens by nature is selfish. and some adults are as selfish too. for each action they did, they come with reasons. i used to tell this to him. i dont know how to handle a teenager. they are so difficult to handle. sometimes, i feel that they are a nuisance. seriously after listening to kak lin, the stereotyping i made on teenagers over the years have more or less change. know them and only then you can handle them. this formula can also apply to your close ones.

i just realised that my arwah maternal grandmother is from Malacca. aha! my questions are answered. having wondered why is it that the big family is so 'garang-garang'. so what does being fierce has to do with Malacca?

when i went too Malacca last year, i observed Malacca citizens. the way they communicate, react, handle and yeah even the way they walk (i like to look at the way people walk). i remember my cousin telling me that org2 Melacca ni memang kasar. the way they talk is as though they want to fight with you. but, behind the stern character, they are baik2 orgnye. they sometimes can use vulgarities on you but, they dont mean that way to you according to my cousin again. ive yet to read up on Malacca society. and there came along the famous history about Hang Tuah and Hang Jebat. ive got to read on that as well.

having said that, lets talk about the family. they are fierce people im telling you. they can talk so loud that even blk sebelah pun boleh dengar. no kidding. i always have to tell my mum to slow down. come on i face one of them everyday. they are outspoken. if they dont like you doing so, they tell you straight to your face. lantak lah kau boleh terima ke tidak. and thats my family. when sometimes i hope i can change them. yeah the whole lot. how is that possible? having to grow up in such an environment have made me inherited some character from these adults. however, in this modern days with such technologies, i begin to think of ways how all of us can benefit with so-well-stick attitude. thus, to eliminate this 'fierce attitude'. he used to save my no as 'zalifa fierce'.

my aunt was complaining about her husband attitude. 'dia balik keje je terus marah2. asal ni budak2 masih dgn baju sekolah? dah solat belum?' and there, my cousin telling us, 'i punya husband balik je takde. terus nak marah2. ni dah solat ke belum semua ni?' see the similarity? with being fierce all the time, how do they show love? often than never the kids thats include me often confuse with what is love actually? how do you show love? is it by being fierce? im not shy to say that i still do not know how to love. and this is the reason my another half suffer big time.

this has to really come to an end. being fierce doesnt means you are powerful. sincerely, i use to think that holding on to my grievance gives me a sense of power in which it will protect me from feeling vulnerable. it makes me feel superior and it defend myself from being hurt, disappointed or rejected for that matter. it keeps me vigilant against recurrences of what you call harm! well i guess, some things have to happen to make us realised some facts that are long hidden.