# iced;

Saturday, November 17, 2007

torn into pieces, 11:33 AM

the bad thing can happen is when you are having cramps and had to assist scope case. i was screaming in silence. then again when they asked me, 'Ifa, can you scrub for the last scope case?' i went, 'yah yah. sure thing.' im worn out badly this few days. the moment my head is on the pillow, im gone to dreamland. honestly, i like it that way. rather than having sleepless and restless night will only make me vulnerable. i dont want to dwell on this pain too much either. it was a slap to the face when a good friend message me this, 'why do you want to be lonely and feel miserable when he is having the time of his life?' =) no one said this is going to be easy. nevertheless, im glad i still have people who are willing to cry with me. they said, call me and i'll cry with you. perhaps, when Bastard is dead, i will stop crying. anyway, he is still alive. thats not a good news for me.

it disturb me alittle whenever i scrub for paediatrics cases. no joke. the kid will cry and cry and cry. first, it makes me want to cry with them. second, the mummy or daddy will cry too. third, the child will struggle which is quite a hassle to get him/her under GA. when the forth point comes along, i go like fuck! because it reminds me so much how Bastard used to tell me how he went for an operation when he was 7 years old. so, it got me imagine abit how was he like when they put him under GA.

when everyone told me that im shrinking, i brush it off. but when it came from Prof Praba yesterday, i start looking at the mirror. my jeans are loose, my belt is already to its first hole, my tummy's flat (real flat. no kidding.), no more full cheeks and you can feel my ribs. haha. come on Zalifa. this is no good. that Bastard is eating like a Babi and you are in no mood and no appetite crap. he weigh like 3 times more than you. he eats like a bulldog. and his tummy is as though he is pregnant for 3 months. he hardly can fit into a L size. definitely, this Izzad Bastard is paying for all the pain im going through. Asshole. Fucking shit! eeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiii. aku benci sangat sangat dengan that Babi Izzad. dont let me see him.

i feel like writing about breakup today. my babe is going through a tough time. i know you will read this and yes, i want you to read this. i dont quite believe in breakup unless you really really feel you need to breakup over really really strong reasons. like he cheated on you, he is seeing a bitch, he dont love you, he lied to you everyday, he pretend he love you but he dont, he dont make sacrifises for you, he flirts around, he has no job and dont intend to, he rely on you for financials and his family sucks. only then, you should be fair to yourself. setting up a relationship is not easy so why must people give up on it so easily without much thinking? babe, i dont encourage the breakup. breakup is not easy. its painful. it takes time to heal. you will feel vulnerable at some point. you are on your own besides, us, your friends. like me, it wont be him whom i call after work to rant my stories. eventhough how much i want to know how he is coping. i cant anymore. i cant ask him to decide things for me anymore. i cant ask him to send or fetch me from work anymore. the fact is, he isn't going to be with you anymore facing your joy and sorrow. importantly, he will not hold your hand when life is cruel to you but i will. =) i am vulnerable on my own but, i will still be there for you should you need me to. the choice is yours. good luck. =)

it hurts.

Be in good health first and foremost.. Weigh ermm at least a 40kg.. To do an adv diploma in nursing.. Be an excellent & dedicated perioperative nurse. I want to canoe & rock climbing someday.. To get married! Haha.. Not so soon still..

abby.
adee.
adi.
afdlin shauki.
azlina.
aznita.
azuwa.
belinda.
dani.
dila.
dina.
eileen.
farain.
farhana.
fauzie.
hasan.
hidayah.
huzaifah.
janna.
kak ayu.
kak azrina.
kak khatijah.
maliza.
mardia.
maria.
mastura.
mingyu.
mira.
nafisah.
neng.
nuraini.
sahara.
shafique.
shahida.
shu.
sufie.
sufian.
uma.
valerie.
winny.

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