# iced;

Friday, November 09, 2007

torn into pieces, 10:59 PM

its NHG Congress tomorrow!! yeehaa. like finally. seminars turns me on nowadays. it get my mind off things for awhile. so, meet you'll at 0830 at City Hall, babies. =)

last night, i was with Yazid and Mardia. we hangout at Starbucks and he told us about his ex gf whom he went out for 3 years. he met her parents at 12 midnight to call off the relationship after he seen her with him with that straight hair some more, Yaya...? Ya Allah. hehe. i had my share of story to tell as well how we met and how it ended up this way. when i look at it, im sad how we can be great friends, used to enjoy each other companies, used to laugh and cry together during tekong and taiwan days or whichever days, used to tell each other, 'eh. awak ni gemok sangat lah and awk ni kurus sangat lah.' and we laugh. now, not that ive lost a relationship, i've lost a friend. thats why i made a promise to myself. once a friend, i want that as a friend sampai akhir hayat. im never going to allow it to go up the next level. people like Ahmad and Hasan will always be my friends. yes! friends till death do us apart.

as my hatred and anger still lingers, i will NOT forgive HIM. NOT at the moment. its TOO painful. its TOO madness to forgive him. i cant forgive him. i dont even want to see him and his bitch at all. everyday, i lookup at the papers to see if he is dead. still, dia belum mati2 lagi. hidup pun buat susahkan orang. everyday, i hope he is dead. i know. this is not the way. what he is doing to me today is what he will receive tomorrow. i believe it that way. when i did an open reduction internal fixation (orif) the other day, i hope one day, i will do it on him. doa orang yang dizalimi makbul. i remember that fucking Bastard can tell me to terima hakikat. does he knows that its NOT EASY?? biasalah orang kalau dah bodoh, bebual tak pakai otak. you just go and die lah. and i wont visit you. i just stay at home and baca Yassin for you. my heart have hardens for a human named MUHAMMAD IZZAD. there is no turning back. no forgiveness.

it surprised me when my friends, parents knew about my breakup. they were shocked too saying, 'izzad dengan ifa? mama tengok diorang ok je.' i thought so too. yes! i thought so too. not that i was aware that i was CHEATED. and HE is PENIPU. besok2 kalau dapat anak pun penipu macam bapak dia. have the cheek to tell me, 'but, we can be friends.' friends kepala hotak kau!! after a 4 years relationship nak jadi kawan..?? sorry that will not happen. in the past, can lah. now, NO. there is no turning back for us. no matter how difficult life is treating me, i will not turn to you.

it has been raining as though it share the same sentiments as me. =) im tired actually. im tired of crying, thinking about where im heading to next, tired of being angry. tired that ive lost appetite and my weight is going down drastically. and that im cengkung sangat now. tired that my pants are loose. tired that Izzad is still living.

just make me strong Ya Allah. Today. Tomorrow. and the rest of the days in my life.

it hurts.

Be in good health first and foremost.. Weigh ermm at least a 40kg.. To do an adv diploma in nursing.. Be an excellent & dedicated perioperative nurse. I want to canoe & rock climbing someday.. To get married! Haha.. Not so soon still..

abby.
adee.
adi.
afdlin shauki.
azlina.
aznita.
azuwa.
belinda.
dani.
dila.
dina.
eileen.
farain.
farhana.
fauzie.
hasan.
hidayah.
huzaifah.
janna.
kak ayu.
kak azrina.
kak khatijah.
maliza.
mardia.
maria.
mastura.
mingyu.
mira.
nafisah.
neng.
nuraini.
sahara.
shafique.
shahida.
shu.
sufie.
sufian.
uma.
valerie.
winny.

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