Kak Siti: kate mc abih shopping kat expo.
Ifa: eh how you know ah?? hahaa. i baik sikit already.
Kak Siti: Sufi bilang.
Ifa: kurang asam. jangan dia bilang sister sekali sudah.
Kak Siti: aku bilang ceo je tadi =P mon my turn ah! eh, kau nak beli ape?
Ifa: eh2. adalah.
and i shop the most this month. i dare not count the amount spend. and dont ask. some are still in paper bag which i cant be bothered to send them for washing at the moment. each time the cashier told me to key in my pin no, i'll go like... 'oh! must press now ah? i thought free.' haha. luckily, ive put the major sum in savings account.
i love this kurung but i didnt buy.
ok that aside. from a reliable source, a friend called. 'Ifa, i know this is not important to you. just to tell you. Bastard clubs.' 'what? are you sure?? Bastard is izzad tau. (we call him Bastard all the time we sometimes forget his name!)' 'yes! in club, they labelled him as the man who knows it all.' my heart beat fast. probably the fastest. 'haha. are you sure?? izzad art tau.' 'yes yes! now, we all know he have changed and why he changed. he just went 2 weeks ago.'
tell me about it. i was speechless. i did not expect this coming. definitely the Izzad i once love is dead. this just show that throughout 4 years with him, my religious influence never caught his attention. for tonight, ive seen the hikmah. ive always wanted to know the hikmah. and im very thankful to Allah swt tonight. for He wanted to safe me from all this kemaksiatan. i feel guilty that i remember questioning Allah's decision for me. i question His takdir for me. all the time, i go against His decisions when He knows i can never be with this jerk now that he is like how he is now, a jerk.
im alittle sad tonight. i dont know why. we always see him as budak baik. even when i blog this way, i still have this mindset, he is still budak baik. but tonight, it have deminished. i have nothing against people who clubs. but, for him to go clubbing when he used to tell me i will never club and all is just rubbish tonight. now that he started clubbing, soon he will drink. and he will get drunk and he will ride his dumb bike and its orif baby! hhehe. just as you see.
i am bersyukur to Allah swt for He showed me the hikmah. suddenly, i question myself. is this the kind of man you want to live for the rest of your life? is this the man you always dream will bring you and your kids to the path yang Allah redha? and if you are still together, is this the kind of life you want to lead? im very glad my breakup took place. for His decision is always the best for me. i begin to see kebesaran Allah swt when i used to lupa and lalai.
my hope and prayers is, as my tears roll tonight, these tears will make me stronger tomorrow and eventually, seorang insan yang tabah.
if this path you directed me is the best one for me, Ya Allah. im more than willing to go through this eventhough, i'll have to bear with the pain for awhile first. this is what i call maqam redha.
'semoga Allah meredhai persahabatan dan perpisahan ni.' -Doa Perpisahan, Brothers. my all time favourite nasyid. =)
