# iced;

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

torn into pieces, 11:45 AM

ive been having bad headache for the past 2 days. it gets so bad that even paracet doesnt work. i wish i could get a ct brain now. whenever, i reads the whole world spins. how exciting is that? whenever, i get bad headache, there are only 2 options. get the eye check or it could be fever. i got mum to do the traditional way of pulling some hair strands. it feels better and now my nose bleed. oh! come on. worst menses ever!

therefore, i avoid going out especially on my own. those who knows me very well knows my fainting history. hehe.

Rad asked me, 'i saw Mar's blog and i saw the cute guy ur with. pandai kau carik.. hehe'
thats Ahmad Khair Syukri Suparman!!!! my lecture mate aka irritating one. hehe. tak kan you all tak kenal..? i guess i had enough of hearing, he is handsome. cute. nice body. when i told Ahmad this, he said, 'kau kena bangga dapat kawan handsome macam aku.' this makes my head spins more! hahah.

someone is recommending me gorgeous man at friendster. haha. you do know my taste in a man. im so in love with this fantasy. 13 year old fantasy. =) i still fear of dating with anyone because i fear of being hurt. enough is enough, my common statement. ive moved on and that im just looking around first. =) im observing people to be honest.

yesterday, i watched Tyrabanks show on tv. believe it or not..? i took down notes! haha. IFAAAA! yes! i know. yesterday's show was about breakup. several wonderful women shared their breakup stories. they mostly broke up for 2 months or so already. some when on a rebound relationships and some just cant let it go like, still sleep with his shirt or still wears the perfume he give, still read the shared journals and stuff like that. some even had a revenge. hahaa.

when i looked back at how things work for me, im bersyukur to Allah swt that my journey wasnt really a smooth one but, im managed to sail through in one piece. when this girl still sleeps with his shirt, i was like, are you sick? you should see what i did to all the stuff which is, get it out of your sight. i see those stuff as pain so, i got rid of them. as for perfume, why bother to wear the perfume he bought you. it just reminds you of the smell and that reminds you of him and when is this going to game over? should have just get rid of it. i gave him back even the empty bottles! haha. journals next, yes! journals witness the existence of love between the both of you. but, why bother of the existence when its over..? quit reading. just tear or burn or throw and kick it out of your life. whatever was written is not relevant anymore. so dont bother. pictures next, i have soft spot for pictures. i'll cry. yes! you frame it up nicely and hang it at that spot so that every morning when you wakes up you see it and smile. i dont see the need to smile happily at a failed relationship. get rid. i burn them in a cd and labelled it Bastard stuff. simple as that.

believe it or not, every piece that i returned or threw, i got them replaced with better ones. Alhamdulilah. and i got my Birken. remember the one i wanted so much but, never get to buy them.

revenge. what did you do when you broke up? most people know how i revenge. haha. when i was watching the show, i went like, 'hah. thats what i did.' at some point, i hope everyone who reads my blog understand the need to let it out. i even mentioned thats its temporary. like it always been said you cant please everyone so forget about it. they do not feel the pain so they will never understand.

but, look at you now, Zalifa. Masya'allah. you're surviving. no one said you'll die of a broken heart. =) its just a matter of readjustment. BIG readjustment if you get what i mean. =)

going on a rebound relationship. the constant reminders about never go on a rebound relationship. 'you're not ready Ifa.' 'no. dont' even until today, i know im not ready for any commitments. im scared. its risk taking to another broken heart.

Mardia, you better stop mentioning the wrong name. haha.

i chatted with Yazid at msn. he's turning 23 tomorrow. it saves Mardia from the trouble of remembering his bday. hehee. no more of, 'eh. you punye bday? i tak ingat. sorie lah.' haha. he claimed that his friends his age have 2 kids already. haha. what do you see in me then? no kids. no partner. and im ok. hehe. he said, 'its better to have no bf than having a bastard for a bf.' i totally agree. =)

to me, real love feels good. guys is a bonus not a package of substance.

it hurts.