# iced;

Saturday, April 26, 2008

torn into pieces, 11:59 PM

this got to be ermm long. just bear with me for a little while.

they do not remember my name. they remember me as "Izzad's gf". and im no longer proud about it anymore. i had to smile before i told them we broke up sometime back. you very well know the next question, 'oh! im so sorry. what happened? you guys went out for so long already? are you ok?' oh come on. ask me that 9 months ago, i will answer with curse and swears. today and the rest of the days, im too tired to swear about it anymore. i feel that i have come to the point of acceptance. hence, i will be happy if he is. Hasan told me loving someone doesnt mean you own him/her. its about giving.

im upset. why? i feel that they are raking my past which i really do not want to talk about. to add on, having his cousin there make things worst. well, i do not need to know about his updates. ive nothing against all these. Alhamdulilah i have gotten over him and im leading my own life well. i can manage life without him and i thanked Allah swt for giving me the strength and believe in my capability. i dont blame them anyway. i just feel a little upset. sad. probably because the memories start coming back after we talk about it. i dont blame him either for entering in my life and i have to face these shits today. im just upset. very well said.

i guess when the anger no longer lingers, you start to feel sad as a replacement which im cool about it despite the fact i hate to feel vulnerable. i took a cab home. the cab driver was superb. i feel that he is sent to me from Allah swt to talk sense into me. i was on the phone with Mardia and i bet he heard it all. once, i hang up, he said, 'pernah dengar tak pepatah Melayu patah tumbuh, hilang berganti?' i paused. i could anticipate he was about to give me kata-kata pedoman. im glad i met him. Alhamdulilah. being all emotional, i was close to tears when we were talking. i had to bite my lips hard and swallow every drop of these tears. he brought me back to the reality. 'Kita datang dari Allah swt. kenapa tak rujuk kepada yang arif apabila bermasalah?' i kept quiet. thus, there are more guidance he gave which i promise to take note.

the phonecall i made to Hasan was another snap back to reality. he is like a mentor. sometimes i feel he is one of those who understood my situation better but of course no one can understand my situation at best except for Allah. im not promoting you here. you've seen me since day 1. you have helped all you can. constant advices and guidance. thank you friend.

i can do this. and i will do this. Insya'allah.

it hurts.

Be in good health first and foremost.. Weigh ermm at least a 40kg.. To do an adv diploma in nursing.. Be an excellent & dedicated perioperative nurse. I want to canoe & rock climbing someday.. To get married! Haha.. Not so soon still..

abby.
adee.
adi.
afdlin shauki.
azlina.
aznita.
azuwa.
belinda.
dani.
dila.
dina.
eileen.
farain.
farhana.
fauzie.
hasan.
hidayah.
huzaifah.
janna.
kak ayu.
kak azrina.
kak khatijah.
maliza.
mardia.
maria.
mastura.
mingyu.
mira.
nafisah.
neng.
nuraini.
sahara.
shafique.
shahida.
shu.
sufie.
sufian.
uma.
valerie.
winny.

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