# iced;

Monday, May 26, 2008

torn into pieces, 11:24 PM

i am operating with only an hour of sleep. the contact lens is poking my tired eyes. i was in a huge mess. my lack of sleep and sadness irritates me the whole day. i almost cry during operation today. this is damn sick! i had to distract myself to snap me back to reality. entah kenapa everything just makes me want to cry nowadays.

at least there was a glimpse of joy during the roll call. Sister is asking for volunteer to Myanmar for medical mission. gosh!! didnt i just mention about it yesterday?? i so wanna go. i called dad and sister to persuade mum in letting me go to the mission. when she finally said YES!! yes. Y-E-S, i ran to look for Sister to tell her about it. not long after that, she page us on air telling she cant send us for the mission BECAUSE, there is one Sister from mot who will be going. WHAT THE HELL!!!! we were so blardy excited about this. we will be flying off this Wednesday. i was excited because its like a dream come true and mak said YES!!

well, Insya'allah, in 2 weeks time, we may or may not be going. they will come back from the mission and we might go as the third batch from NUH. Ya Allah. i really really really wanna go. especially when i think i need to get out of BP for awhile and best thing get out of Singapore for awhile will be great too. in fact, they might need volunteers for the China medical mission. well, ermm.. i want to go too. although kakak was telling me their earthquake is not stable yet. no doubt this will be ermm a dangerous mission. but, this is a challenge which i want to go through. this will be a good exposure for me and if i ever go to this mission, i will always remember 'one dream come true' in my nursing career. oh come on! bring this on... but hey, should i you know not come back after the mission, can this be consider as mati syahid...? obviously NO. hehee.

disappointment after disappointment. sigh.

i had a hearty meal with somebody today. how much i want to thank you for listening to my troubles and worries and my disasters and for diverting my emotions whenever you see the tears collecting. hence, thank you for the precious lessons which i will remember to take note. we never fail to make mistakes and the only way to feel better is to learn from it. did i ever tell you that I love you...? =)

i understand and i am truly sorry for..... for everything. some things are best left unspoken. i know i have disappoint many. i truly appreciate if i could have sometime alone for awhile to repent. i just want to tell God how i feel about things. some things are best left as it is, unshared. thus, i seek for everyone's understanding. i hate to see myself right now and im sure some of you guys hate to see me this way. at work, people know my cheerfulness, but, when i walked in with bloodshot eyes, they start questioning. and i am very sorry. i need lots of time to think about my lost. till then dear friends. im sorry. did i mention on top of all these irritating issue, i have 15 pages to write... thats how tough life is at the moment. at this junction, i seek for some mutual support and doa. may Allah bless all of us with iman and health always.

Salam 'alaik.

it hurts.

Be in good health first and foremost.. Weigh ermm at least a 40kg.. To do an adv diploma in nursing.. Be an excellent & dedicated perioperative nurse. I want to canoe & rock climbing someday.. To get married! Haha.. Not so soon still..

abby.
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uma.
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