# iced;

Saturday, May 31, 2008

torn into pieces, 3:40 PM

Salam to all =)

sorry for my lack of writing. the week have past slowly for me. the muscles are aching and my temper is rising like nobody's business. so is my impatient. to dear colleagues, i apologise if i snap and frown at you guys while working. just moments ago, i entered somewhere and i slammed a book on the table when i saw my usual seat is occupied. some heads start turning. i mouthed sorry and smiled. damn! what the hell is blardy wrong with me...??

Abg Rosli said, 'apasal Ifa? abg tengok asik nak perah aje nowadays. cuba istighfar sikit. setan tu. cuba senyum sikit. manis sikit.' pandai lah tu buat lawak.

it got so bad that Winny told me to change for the best. hahaa. she said, 'Ifa, i understand you want things to be done fast. (in a snap btw) but, sometimes, you must remember that some of us have more experience in ot than us and you should calm down at work. i see that you are quite rough.'

when she said all that, i laughed and promise to do something about it. well, ermm. im a human and i make mistakes and i will always make more mistakes. i know this isnt a good excuse. im thinking if i ever become a preceptor one day, hah! habislah whoever is my preceptee. however, i will try. Insya'allah. thus, the next working day, i tried to calm down and smile even when i feel damn irritated when she walked too slow or she did not concentrate during operation despite me warning her that the next O&G cases are going to be a fast pace operation. well, look at where all these are coming from, my early days in theatre are with Prof Robless who is impatient. the second he ask for heparin, another second it must be in his hands or else, i need not say more. hence, i assisted him 4 months straight before they pulled me to assist orthopaedics. if i have started with Dr Alph, things would be different. hehe. nevertheless, i will try my best. come on Ifa, everyone is indifferent. you are born to walk fast hahaa and work fast. while others do not so, yeah. as i am writing this, i remember mak said this on my graduation day. 'jalan macam soldier baris!' haha. someone told me to go easy on my knees or i will have to go for acl someday. yeah! save the knees for older days.

mentioning about knees, the moment i finished my thesis and exams, i am going to put on the running shoes and climb the bukit timah hill. in fact, right now, i am facing bukit timah hill. that hill is soooo tempting.

rough.
well, ive mentioned before that i am not the wanita melayu terakhir kind of person. i love adrenaline rush and adventure. i am definitely not the heels, skirt, handbag, kebaya and earrings person although i make up and pedicure. many thought that i am the lemah lembut sort when they see my body size. size can be deceiving. however, that doesnt not means i dont talk to people nicely. maybe, you're right, im rough in action. i walk fast. i have this arrogant look. i dont care what people say unless it comes from my close ones or people that i know. Winny said that my new phone is for a man. hahah. you're just jealous. i wish i can give you the old phone for you to enjoy since you like it so much. but, its for the mummy babe. so, i can 3G her and she can 3G me too. heheh. in fact, if i want to get rid of it, i will give it you. i wont sell it. this new toy have a blogging application which im so in love with!! =)

ive been listening to backstreet boys and its driving my sister crazy! when i played it for the 19th times, i think, she said, 'takde lagu lain ke??' hahha. she missed one of the best thing in life which is listening to bsb.

my thoughts flows to the Myanmar mission which affected me badly. not just me. but Sowmi too. we really wanted to go. way too excited that i mentally take note the things i wanted to bring. the digital camera, disposable undergarments, hp, vision m, sneakers, my ot caps, crocs, download the family and friends pics into the vision m ('cause im going to miss everyone!) and so many more. i am looking forward to the China mission now. ive been having wild thoughts about this mission. damn. but, on the second thought, im a little glad that i did not go. i will be thinking of mum. mesti beliau risau kan especially when this feels like going to a third war country and dont expect to stay in a cheap motel because, we will ended up sleeping in a tent or probably cardboards. i dont know if i can handle such situation because im not used to sleeping without a comforter and on the floor! haha. thus, with such mission, i will learn the meaning to hardship and know how to be more bersyukur. on the other hand, i do not want my mum to worry.

at the same time, i am thinking of working overseas after the 3 years bond. in Riyad, Saudi Arabia to be exact. the good thing about nursing is that, nursing is always in demand worldwide and not a problem if you want to migrate and being in a state of jobless. i spoke to Sheila about Riyad. the salary is superb in US dollars and nurses there are respectable. its a yearly contract. they take care of your accomodation. but, you must learn to speak Arab which is not a problem i can start learning now. but, everyting comes to no use if mum wont be happy and she'll get worried. and it will come to even useless if i found my love here in Singapore during this 3 years because, i know, i will just forget about it.

last night i watch Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull with whoelse.. =) well, its the best choice for action movies lately rather than those love affairs which makes me sick and get me thinking and i ended up feeling shit! well, from that movie, i guess some things are best left unknown and unspoken. i overheard two men's conversation. (kepo sikit) 'he is not my bf. he is my bestfriend and we are not gays!' hah. you understand what i mean right..? i had a great time with you.

sorry if this is too long. its time to get back to work. have a wonderful day people. power to the people! =)

it hurts.