# iced;

Thursday, June 12, 2008

torn into pieces, 7:33 PM

it feels good to be able to sit up after the days of lying in bed that feels like forever and coughing out blood. i thank Allah for this and to my friends and nurse manager too who understood my situation. being able to get up again and see the world again is a bliss. (this sounds a little dramatic. sorry about this.) im very glad. by the way, i sound like a man for days. by any chance do you think i will sound like Natasha Bedingfield after i recover...? i can sing unwritten better now that the voice is sexy. *wink*

i looked up at my organiser just before i open this window and hey, i have tons of work to get done. that tells it. the exam is this Sunday and i have a workshop on Saturday. oh boy.

i miss working. i miss theatre and i am very excited to get back to work tomorrow. i dont care anymore if mucous starts coming out from my nose while im scrubbed up. i dont care if anyone is going to laugh at me if my voice sound funny on air. i miss everyone at work. its been four days. four days!! and i know i belong there, in dsot.

during these four days, my hair stinks of sengkuang and asam! even marks & spencer's shampoo cant get rid of the smell. so stay away from my hair!! haha. just moments ago, i had Sufi on the line. she updated me about work. well, according to Sufi (her random guess) it seemed our beloved Sister wants to train me to be in charge of vascular discipline. that explains why i am in Prof theatre with no senior who is familiar with him last Thursday. since im on sick leaves, Janet is all the way in theatre 6. gosh! i feel bad. you know how i always react when they put me responsible for certain things. i rebel. i do not want to be incharge. ive always think that im still a baby in dsot and that i am not responsible for anything. but, i am going to be a 1 year old nurse soon. (lets call in for celebration!!) there is no way i am going to be a baby anymore.

for instance, take a look at Sowmiya. she knows general surgeries at the back of her hands. Winny, she knows orthopaedics at the back of her hands too. if this can make me feel any better, i know whether or not the stirrups are placed proper by the first glance! haha. yeehaaa.

im just scared of responsibilities. i fear responsibilities. i dont understand why. four days ago, i talked to a friend from mot. well, she influenced me to come and join her in major ot. she said, 'Ifa, what the hell are you doing in day surgery? come and join me in mot. you'll like it here.' so there i was with my mind made up this July, i'll try and ask for a transfer but, i guess not anymore. well, dsot have trained me to become who i am today. if not for their patients and dedication, i may not be who i am today. i have to stay here a little longer. its not about earning lots of money. its the bond that we shared that matters. this is very important to me. why? because, they taught me what life is all about. they taught me about friendship and hardship.

these brings my Riyadh dream hanging. i was just hinting mum about it last night. well, hmmm.. of course she start with, 'haishh. kalau dah sakit. sengkuang ke mana. kau ke mana. kita hidup mesti kena dekat dengan keluarga. kalau sakit sapa nak layan?' hehe. oh yeah! i only seek two strong, main and no other people. my mum and yeah. by the way, sengkuang and asam is a must when im sick. even that paracet and paracet plus codeine never work on me unless with sengkuang! so you see, kita datangnya dari bumi, akan balik pada bumi jua.

i will revise Riyadh again when the time comes. i was asked this, 'are you willing to forget about everything here and move to Riyadh?' your family. your friends. your colleagues. your lovebird. your fantasy. oh damn you.

it hurts.

Be in good health first and foremost.. Weigh ermm at least a 40kg.. To do an adv diploma in nursing.. Be an excellent & dedicated perioperative nurse. I want to canoe & rock climbing someday.. To get married! Haha.. Not so soon still..

abby.
adee.
adi.
afdlin shauki.
azlina.
aznita.
azuwa.
belinda.
dani.
dila.
dina.
eileen.
farain.
farhana.
fauzie.
hasan.
hidayah.
huzaifah.
janna.
kak ayu.
kak azrina.
kak khatijah.
maliza.
mardia.
maria.
mastura.
mingyu.
mira.
nafisah.
neng.
nuraini.
sahara.
shafique.
shahida.
shu.
sufie.
sufian.
uma.
valerie.
winny.

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