# iced;

Saturday, August 09, 2008

torn into pieces, 1:30 PM

i am unhappy with some people at work. i am not very good with ordering people and speak my mind off to people but, i recently did and it quite shocked some people, my preceptor and myself. soon, the nurse manager will hear this.

i was too angry that i used that f word and i felt the warm on my face. people can really trip my live wire. i was circulating with another staff when she just stood there when i am running like MAD. it pissed me further when my scrub nurse asked for 3 things at one time and she is still there still not giving me a hand. apa lagi.. i sounded her, 'can you help me?' only then, she helped. at the end of the case, she told me, 'sorry Ifa. i am not familiar.'

not familiar is fine with me but, you can learn to get things familiar right...? sometimes, i am not familiar at all. but, until when are you going to tell yourself, you're not familiar and you cant do it..?? come on come on!! for God sake.

ive been thinking about my future a lot lately which i have not come to any conclusion yet. one thing that i am certain is, i do not want to extend my bond and i want to work overseas with a husband or without. if i am accepted in United Arab Emirates now, i wont have second thoughts anymore. in fact, even if i do, i will only have second thoughts about leaving my family, my friends and this person whom i always think when im down. its never easy to say goodbye to him. in fact, i think about him a lot these days. sigh. its no good because it feels sucks.

lately, when im going through tough time or when people make me angry, i cry. like what the hell!!

i was told that the dept will be priortising the seniors for this 9.5 months adv diploma course. what the hell is this...?? from my point of view, why would you want to send a senior who is 50 50 about the course just because you cant promote her to SSN1 in future because she has not adv dip. so, is this whole thing about promoting staff...? and its not about upgrading yourself and hence, establishing your career to become a more responsible and competent nurse..? look, if she wants to upgrade herself, she would have done ages ago even before i join nursing. in fact, even before, i have thoughts about nursing.

i am very disappointed with their way of selection that frankly, ive lost interest it in. i would rather save up enough and start a degree course rather than sit around and wait for opportunity knocking at my bloody door and each time, it dissapoint me. im not going to let myself do this!! NEVER! its like waiting for yourself to get married with an idiot!!

i feel that i am BLOODY wasting my time. i am not upgrading myself here and i have to wait until my bond probably ends. if i am not upgrading myself, i might as well, work on my skills. be more skillful. handle bigger cases. but, what am i doing here when my friends up there are handling bigger cases like total knee replacement, trauma cases, liver transplant, trans flap etc. i am only proud of orif which to them, its no big deal. orif can be their daily stuff when hey, its a big thing here for me.

thus, ive decided. if i am not getting that 9.5 months course, i want a transfer. MOT is tough but, i am willing to learn now. nanti dah malas, means dah malas. dah kahwin means dah malas. dah ada anak means dah malas too. no point in talking to me about upgrading then.

in fact, no point in getting upset about this. i am sure Allah swt will arrange this for me and He knows my strength and weakness more than i do.

my nurse manager have been making decisions for me and i think its about time, i make my own decision.

too many rejections just kills me.

today feels like any other day so is tomorrow. the 10th of every month nowadays just sucks big time.

i am so sorry for this entry. i am going through tough time right now.

it hurts.

Be in good health first and foremost.. Weigh ermm at least a 40kg.. To do an adv diploma in nursing.. Be an excellent & dedicated perioperative nurse. I want to canoe & rock climbing someday.. To get married! Haha.. Not so soon still..

abby.
adee.
adi.
afdlin shauki.
azlina.
aznita.
azuwa.
belinda.
dani.
dila.
dina.
eileen.
farain.
farhana.
fauzie.
hasan.
hidayah.
huzaifah.
janna.
kak ayu.
kak azrina.
kak khatijah.
maliza.
mardia.
maria.
mastura.
mingyu.
mira.
nafisah.
neng.
nuraini.
sahara.
shafique.
shahida.
shu.
sufie.
sufian.
uma.
valerie.
winny.

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