# iced;

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

torn into pieces, 9:04 PM

i never felt this way before. even if i do, its been a long time since i remember feeling this way. the girls at work wanted to matchmake me with someone apparently. some, are not aware that i am single so, a few people told him that ermm.. everyone here is engaged. when this was brought up to Sufie's attention, the first person she said was, 'IFA.' coincidentally, i was walking towards reception and i heard my name.

thus, they told me about the 'matchmaking' thing. all i could digest was, 'so how? do you want?' 'faster tell us your answer.' when i was trying to figure out.. yang mana satu...? 'yang handsome Ifa. yang handsome.'

so, there i went saying.. 'well, ermm. i need a religious man not i want but, i need. its very important. not so much about how good looking he is because it's God gift and when He wants it back, that would be anytime. i seriously need a religious one who puts Allah SWT more than anything else. so that he can guide me throughout the rest of my life. no more stupid, immature decision.'

'tak Ifa. we will not recommend you someone who is tak senonoh.'

Farzila came along and said, 'dia kat mana? i go and check it out.' hmm Farz kalau part macam ni memang nombor satu. dah nak kahwin pun macam2. hehe.

this champ here seemed to tell a fair bit about his personal stuff to my colleagues who nurse him like his family, his work place, his personal life. even specify that he do not want a girl who is of the same age as him. man can be choosy. but, luckily i still fit the bill. hehee.

i dont quite recall which one but, i remember the person whom i look at when i walked to reception to pickup my purse and i walked up and down dengan bangku, selimut and i looked haggard because i cant be bothered with makeup.

after much persistence from the people saying, 'Ifa pergi. go check it out.' so, i went thinking no man can open my well sealed heart. its not easy to fall in love for me. love is precious. i cannot bring myself to breakup with man A today and go out with man B few months later. a year may past but i am still afraid to indulge and take the risk of... i just dont know how to explain this.

i went and wallahhh... he is so good looking. Masya'allah. i am not kidding anyone here. i had a good look at him. puasa puasa ni. haaisshh.

sigh..

when tomorrow comes, its a new day. i do not want to think about this fantasy anymore. i will be back to my usual self and work towards my goals macam biasa. i am very very very very very extremely afraid of any man besides my next of kin, to appear into my life. i kinda know why i am not ready for another relationship. because i fear of being hurt. i am afraid to face another breakup because its painful. i am very fortunate because i still remember Allah SWT when it happened. if i dont, i may endup with suicidal. who would have guess...? i could recall vividly those hurtful words and actions that took me sometime to forgive.

for one thing i am very certain that i do not wish to go through is, i do not want to cry every night silently, cry every morning in the bus and in every prayers about the same breakup issue.

Dear Allah. You always know what's best for me. Tenangkan hati ini sebagaimana kau tenangkan hati orang mukmin.

=)

dont comment anything about this please. thank you.

it hurts.

Be in good health first and foremost.. Weigh ermm at least a 40kg.. To do an adv diploma in nursing.. Be an excellent & dedicated perioperative nurse. I want to canoe & rock climbing someday.. To get married! Haha.. Not so soon still..

abby.
adee.
adi.
afdlin shauki.
azlina.
aznita.
azuwa.
belinda.
dani.
dila.
dina.
eileen.
farain.
farhana.
fauzie.
hasan.
hidayah.
huzaifah.
janna.
kak ayu.
kak azrina.
kak khatijah.
maliza.
mardia.
maria.
mastura.
mingyu.
mira.
nafisah.
neng.
nuraini.
sahara.
shafique.
shahida.
shu.
sufie.
sufian.
uma.
valerie.
winny.

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