# iced;

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

torn into pieces, 7:35 PM

i came across a doctor from Dubai today. well, she is a fellow who will be here for a year. i asked her as many questions as i can. hospital, visa, people and also the 7 stars hotel. =P

she said, 'you seemed interested. come and join us. it is a tax free country.' 'yeah. Insya'allah. after the bond perhaps.' haissh. kalau ikutkan hati, sekarang juga nak pergi! i am not sure how my family can take my big decision. i hope mereka akan redha sebagaimana i have been redha dengan ketentuan Tuhan.

my peers kept asking me..
'Ifa, are you serious??' 'very serious??' 'dead serious??' 'do it for the right reasons.' 'dont make any decisions at the moment.' 'in fact, dont apply for any placements until you are very certain about this.' these are the most comments ive heard in a week.

should anyone know how this empty heart feel about working in the middle east, eventually you'll understand. i know what i am doing and all i need is support and prayers. eventually, i'll be fine. i never expect a smooth sail whenever i think about Riyadh. i forsee this would be a little harder than usual and somehow, i am ready for this. ive been playing around with this Riyadh thing for months already.

can i really do this....?? often than never unconsciously, i found myself asking the very same question. when i read my private blog entries lately, i discovered i always ask myself this same question too.

i remember talking to a friend about this and i found myself crying to her. =) she said, 'behind this petite, strong lady, you have a soft spot i never know.' =) im glad i asked her out for that day, she saw my weakness and asked me questions i really can't answer. she is the first person who told me that all these time, i am in denial. she is the first person who told me that i did not allow myself to grieve properly. you know sometimes, you just want to talk to someone who will listen and not comment anything because you're not up to listening to other peoples' suggestions and comments. i am definitely in that phase right now.

i went panicky. 'so what do i do?? what do i do??' thats when she suggested 3 options which i am still thinking about.

babe, if you must know, that an hour conversation we had over kfc means very much to me.

she is the same person who took time and effort to ask around about issues pertaining to Riyadh and Dubai. she was the one who told me to do it for the right reasons. she was the one who witnessed my tears rolling after so long. i love you so much! there came another one saying, 'i thought you knew it all along. i wasnt aware that you did not know because you hardly want to talk about it.

if only i knew this much earlier, i would definitely do something about it even if i dont know what to do or even to hope for.

today, i assisted Prof Lomanto in removal of huge, back of the neck lipoma. he started with the casual conversation like always. 'did you drink wine?' 'no Prof. i am a Muslim. i dont drink.' 'really? i have friends who go to the mosque every Friday but to Zouk at night.' 'well, i have nothing against that because they probably go there for music.' 'yeah. do you zouk?' 'no Prof. no time really.' 'how do you spend Friday nights and weekends?' 'Prof, if you must know, im attending religious class, i have seminars, i have to jog, i have to read, i have to clean up, i have to study! sometimes, i dont even have time for shopping and starbucks!!' 'do you have a bf?' 'no Prof.' 'i may need to send you to Eroupe for a life partner.' apa terbiat pulak professor aku ni! so, Angie said, 'Prof, Eroupe may not be suitable, she is petite. not suitable. not suitable.'

hahah. the people at work are sure busy looking around for me. from the reception to the courier nurses, my scrub nurses and my doctors! when here am i thinking about something more satisfying than having a boyfriend! ala kulli hal.

it hurts.

Be in good health first and foremost.. Weigh ermm at least a 40kg.. To do an adv diploma in nursing.. Be an excellent & dedicated perioperative nurse. I want to canoe & rock climbing someday.. To get married! Haha.. Not so soon still..

abby.
adee.
adi.
afdlin shauki.
azlina.
aznita.
azuwa.
belinda.
dani.
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eileen.
farain.
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neng.
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shafique.
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shu.
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uma.
valerie.
winny.

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