i am aching to the bones again. theatre is a little busy lately but, sometimes i prefer it busy so that i can distract myself. if Janet did not call me back to theatre 8, i would probably volunteer to scrub for orbital orif. crazy hur..? i don't know the mindset is to work to get this something off my mind for awhile perhaps forever with no means of recurrence.
i need to go for a long walk or a run.
honestly, i felt guilty today that i have been harsh on a 3 months old scrub nurse. i told her, 'blah blah, you must bring in the next patient. you cannot let them wait. there must be a flow. this is wasting of theatre time.' instantly, her face changed. so, i told her to go for lunch while i take care of the rest. the next minute, Ain came and said, 'kakak bukan main marah tadi.' sigh. i don't want to be like that person. that person that raised her voice at her yesterday.
i should have been more understanding that she is still in her adapting period. she is probably missing her family or her bf back home. sigh. i should have been more patient and understanding towards her. if i am in UAE right now, i am probably like her. who knows... or worst.
i must apologise tomorrow. if tomorrow never comes for me, if you happen to google my name and saw my ugly website, i just wanna say sorry.
perhaps, i should help her now before i leave. she probably need some encouragement. kadang tengok dia memang kesiannya dia ni. kadang, haizz, apasal kau macam ni.
i'm so sorry.
