a few people do not want to be my friend now that they heard that i am leaving. =) i wish i can stay. i wish i can work with the same surgeons throughout my life. however, life goes on.
i was in Prof's theatre today. i see that he is appreciating me. thank you very much. at the end of the day, unconsciously, i remember my first few months with Prof. i had a good laugh at myself. Angie told Prof that i am leaving soon. Prof said, 'who is going to help me with all these then?' hahahah. 'someone new.' =) 'new nurse. needs training. new tricks.'
kalau ikutkan hati memang tak nak pergi. why would i want to leave when the surgeons here knows me, knows my style, knows my strength and weaknesses, knows my impatience... whenever Prof said,
'Ifa, do something to the radio please.'
'90.5, Prof?'
'thats right!' or
'Ifa, are you there, can you help me arrange this particular patient for op this afternoon?'
aku dah macam part time secretary.. hehe. or
'okey Ifa. are you ready...? let's go!'
'yes, Prof. let's go-go!' =) or,
when he introduces me..
'Vasu, this is staff nurse Ifa. you better be nice to her.' hehe. or
'Ifa, i left my loops in mot.'
'do you want me to arrange someone to pick it up for you?'
'can you?'
'yes.'
'thank you.'
do you think i want to leave all this pleasant stuff behind me after all the hard training i undergone...? life goes on for me. life goes on. my mum always tell me that, biar kita tinggalkan sesuatu tempat itu dengan keadaan baik. orang suka jangan orang sumpah.
in fact, wherever i go to, whatever i do, i do not want to create any issues.
i did my best. this morning, the vendor have gone over my live line. i know he is a difficult man senang cakap, irritable man. i tried so hard to accommodate to him being 'difficult' for the whole week. he is being so difficult that i had to call in my nurse manager. despite what my other colleagues said about him, i still talk to him nicely, patiently, lower down my voice, smile but still, it is up to no avail. he is just being so difficult. i was so heated up that i just left him talking to himself. rather than having me shouting at him in the pantry, i better leave. worst still, before i punch him on his irritating face, i better leave.
before i left, i said, 'Mr D, you are not accommodating to our needs. your instructions are vague. you are being difficult. we have a hard time working with you. i tried to be nice to you but, you can blow my head up to the roof!' pergi mampus! i don't care if he is going to complain about me. all i wanted to do is for Professor to run his surgeries smoothly, for patient's safety especially, when we handle sterility, for us, nurses to have a less tension time, hence, less stress!
Angie told Prof that this man upset me. a few people back me up. Prof said, 'no fiber how to operate?' exactly! ada 3 cases. bawa, 1 fiber. mana letak kepala pun tak tahu. i am glad that Sister was supportive. when he entered, trying to explain to Sister and me about the fiber. i snapped and said, 'you can have your fiber back!' just as he opens he mouth, Sister said, 'i have a patient here.'
right now, i feel bad. i feel guilty. because i was rude, harsh, talk to someone in an argumentative manner. i hate to treat anyone this way. i hate to argue with anyone. i hate to raise my voice. why can't we have a pleasant environment to work in. why can't we be pleasant to one other..? worst part, i hate to sit down and think about what i have just did. kalau baik takpe jugak. sigh. i don't expect anyone to treat me as though i am a high class staff nurse, i just want us to have a pleasant working attitude.
i am quite shock that i had a well known man for surgery today. i was too busy to even notice. when i screened him, i was shaking badly. Ain said, 'Ifa, check blah blah macam nak ambik aural exam.' hahaha. oit! aku dah lah macam tak percaya that i get to talk to him. hehe. i was glad that i had my mask on so, he won't see me making faces. he is a very nice man. i must say this. he is very nice. although, he is well known, he is humble and he gave me great advices.
the worst part is when i had to expose him. Ya Allah. they were waiting for me to expose him before they could prep. 'come on Ifa.' she said. i stood there playing with the edge of the blanket. i kept apologising but, he smiled. haissh. minta maaf banyak2. when we sedate him, dia pun tak banyak ragam.
after i had my lunch i see him in recovery. we chatted for awhile. he gave me some advices about nursing. he said this one thing that i am honoured. he said, 'you can shine.' =) thank you. thank you so much. Insya'allah. if he sees my potential, i am very thankful.
then again, i am saying this.. i am not an excellent staff nurse. neither am i an experience staff nurse. i am learning just like everyone else. i have a long way. i am not successful. i make mistakes just like anyone else. i can be slow too. i got scolding from my surgeons too in front of lots of people in the past. that is how my training goes. i learnt from scratch.
Ain claimed that, 'haisshh. dia okey. gf, corrupted.' hahahaha. 'kau tengok aku. aku ok. bf aku, cockup!' she added. hehhe.
for once, i am glad that i have no bf.
alright. enough about fantasy. got to study now. haiishh. malas betul!
happening day... happening day..
