i am supposed to be studying right now but, i am not because i am very very interested with this book Mardia lend me. when i read the title, i muttered, 'kurang ajar kau Mardia. nanti kau!'
it is 'IT'S CALLED A BREAKUP BECAUSE IT'S BROKEN'
wahahha. if you know me, i will make this usual sound i always do when i find someone is getting at me in someway. hahaa.
so well, i am trying to find the main part of the book. my eyes scroll down to 'DON'T WEAR YOUR BREAKUP OUT INTO THE WORLD' *sound again. gimme the sound.*
damn you. hahahaha.
the first few pages are so familiar. Masya'allah.
being brokenhearted is like having broken ribS. on the outside, it looks like nothing's wrong but, every breath hurts.
let's put it this way.. each time, i was about to make silly moves and when i did not, i am glad my last shed of dignity is intact. haha. but, when the moves are made, i go, 'My God. Ifa. what the hell?? your life is miserable don't make it more miserable pls.'
i never know how my former counterpart moved on because i never want to know. he shouldn't have any problems because this is what he wants and always wanted. he is very strong about it. he never thought about the past. he never had problems when comes to moving on from my assumptions.
i am the total opposite. i take time to regain composure, confidence, build up some personalities. so there you go.
=) life goes on. we fall. we stood up. we fall again. we got up. we moved on.
so right now if you ask, i am over and done with. strongly over and done. i don't feel it. i don't see the vibes. i don't see and i don't want to see. i supposed, we have outgrown one another.
=)
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everyone have dreams and goals. lately, i came across many questions about the career to myself.
the full heart is in operating theatre. what i want to do. where i want to go. what do i want to achieve. how am i going to achieving. why do i want to achieve this.
it is good to see Miya knowing and pursuing her dreams. i am all the way behind her.
i love operating theatre. the challenges are right in front of my eyes now especially when i am in EOT. there are complex cases everyday. i don't think i would get bored. it is the total adrenaline rush and perhaps, some frustration may occur as well.
when i see some sets with 24 towel clips, i went, 'tak ada banyak lagi?' or the 'king kong' trolley that always frighten me. hehe. the trolley is bigger than me okey. nak set up trolley nak kena guna bangku!
at this point. i question, 'is this what i want to see myself in?'
i am one tiny person but, i have such huge dreams. dreams that i hope is not just dreams.
i surf King Faisal's Specialist Hospital's website again. this got to be for real man. i really want to go to this place. i have a heart made of stone. i am very sure with what i want. i am never this certain.
anyway, Mard, the book, the book again is fantastic. =) never know you would slap the wake up call to me like this. hahahaha.
im good if you must know.
Janet just text me asking if i am doing ok here. she is like a mummy to me i am telling you. very sweet of her. her last sentence is always... come back if u are not happy there ok?
hehe.
i am doing my best here.
