i am listening to one of Radja songs, Jangan Sakiti Aku repeatedly :)
i had a conversation with Miya about how i am feeling yesterday. she told me, 'Ifa, move on.' =)
i am slowly but, eventually.
Ifa, if he thinks about you, he'll send you a message or call.
If he cares about you, he will reply to your urgent messages.
If he wants to know about you, he'll check you out.
If he wants you back, he look for you.
If he misses you like how you always do, he will read the journal or ask common people about you.
but, he doesn't. he never will. he said he never open the package i sent to him after the breakup. he never care or bother.
i feel like a bloody fool. is this how moving on feels...? i am scared to move on. i am sad to see it broken. i am very very very very extremely amazed by how fast he pick up his pieces.
he doesn't care. perhaps when i decided to fly to Riyadh one day, i doubt very much he ever felt anything about it like i never exist. like i never matter. like i am nobody. like 4 years never meant anything to him.
i know and i understand that i was a bad bad bad person. i repent. i learn. i pray for Allah to forgive me. i pray for him to forgive me. i pray so that i can forgive myself. i didn't appreciate the golden opportunity. i can't help feeling worst for all I've done. but, i can't turn back time.
but, i tried so hard now. i cried so much. i don't know where this will lead me to. aku ni memang tak layak ke...?
it is going to be 2 years now..
dia mungkin dah ada pengganti. aku aje yang terkial-kial.
it is broken.
