some friends have been asking me to the access to this blog. I am so sorry dearies. not at the moment perhaps for a long time or never. I've been thinking about having it private for myself for a long time and i think i should do this. i am so sorry.
let's talk about work first. hehhe.
work have been a mad house. Alhamdulilah i have been assisting a few open fractures and a flap case so far. i am looking forward to assist spine surgery in future. spine surgeries always frighten me because of the instrumental but, Insya'allah dengan izin Tuhan i will be able to assist spine one day. i wouldn't want to disappoint myself. on the other hand, i am learning so much here. Alhamdulilah. the fast and furious move. the action. the body aching at the end of the day. the I/I apron that drives me crazy. my paranoia if my breasts will sag in a few years down the road because of the I/I apron. hehe. i feel that this is the place for me because i am learning. Alhamdulilah. as i am going through my days in MOT, i realised that thank God i wasn't in mot when i was going through my breakup period. i will be in so much mess. Alhamdulilah. i thank God for this. see, He always knows the best for each and everyone of us.
on personal life..
it have been the same like before. the difference is that i am getting to know two male friends at the moment. not on intimate basis which i won't be interested. just friends. i repeated this MANY times. i said it to Ahmad Syukri when he wanted to introduce me to him. JUST FRIENDS. no pushing. don't be a pushy or else you will hear me screaming to your ears. because i want to move on slowly because i don't know why. because maybe just maybe i am still in love with someone. it is like cutting the umbilical cord. let's do it with clamping the cord first before we cut it or else, i will bleed. bleed to death. so please. please. please for mercy. just so happen one of my new male friend happen to get to know Sufie's girlfriend. hahahah. i told her, 'aku give way. she can have him dengan hati yang rela.' =)
on Islam..
last night i watched this man who converted from Christian to Islam on youtube. he was stating the differences between 2 religion. his discovery. his wisdom. i like the way he pronounce the Arab words. very fasih. Alhamdulilah. ishh! kalau dapat suami macam ni.. haaiisshh.. damai! =) my understanding towards Islam begins to grow and deepen.
on someone..
i leave to God because He knows.
on friendship..
i still couldn't mend the broken friendship. i walking out of it. i am so sorry. there is no point in doing so much when another party is not. at all. it saddens me because i don't like things broken.
on improvements to work on..
i know that i am not Ms Best. along this way in life, i am trying to be. i am trying to be a better person day by day. i am trying to stay positive everyday despite the impossibility sometimes. i learn from mistakes and people. given time, Insya'allah, i will be there somewhere with controlled temper, a nice better person, able to handle stress or able to ignore stress. i don't want to meet the man until i feel that i am able to be nice to the man to be with not too much expectations, able to be independent enough, able to handle issues in my life, not demanding, not an unreasonable jealous girlfriend. see, aku memang manusia tak sempurna tetapi inginkan lelaki yang sempurna. sigh.
on Farzila's wedding..
i am looking forward to be a bridesmaid and to meet everyone from dsot. Sufie was giving out this comment saying, 'kau kan budak major!' haishh.. even if we are in a different department but, i never forget my roots and dsot family. the place i was introduce to operating theatre. the place i nurture and learn the basics. so, why do you think i cried when i left... =) so please... don't forget me because i never leave day surgery behind. it is always in my heart.. always.. :)
